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PEGGY'S PREDICAMENT 



A ©tu» Art SKarte fat dStrla 



By ELEANOR MAUD CRANE 

Author of Bachelor Maids' Reunion, Billy's Bungalow, Just for Fun, I* 

the Ferry House, Little Savage, Lost New Year, Raps, Men Maid! 

and Matchmakers, Fun in the Farmhouse, Next Door, Pair 

of Idiots, Rainbow Kimona, Regular Flirt, When a Man's 

Single, Ye Village Skewl of Long Ago, etc., etc. 



Copyright 1915 by Eleanor Maud Crane 



V 



NEW YORK 
DICK & FITZGERALD 

18 Ann Street 



^%A { 



PEGGY'S PREDICAMENT. 



CHARACTERS. 

Peggy Wilson A bride 

Helen West Her sister 

Rita Mason Her chum 

Dorothy Warren Her cousin 

Mabel Mason Her chum's sister 

Time. — The present. Locality. — New York. 

Time of Representation. — Half an hour. 

NOTE. This sketch may be played by three girls, Rita, 
Dorothy and Peggy, by dividing the other lines between 
them, if a small cast is desired. 

COSTUMES. 

Peggy. Pretty kimona and boudoir cap. 
Helen. Attractive house dress. 

Rita, Dorothy and Mabel. Up-to-date walking-suits, 
gloves. 

INCIDENTAL PROPERTIES. 

Chafing-dish, bottle labeled " Alcohol," cologne bottle and 
telegram for Peggy. Long cloak, heavy veil, purse and coin 
for Rita. Raincoat, heavy veil, bonnet and umbrella for 
Dorothy. 

STAGE DIRECTIONS. 

As seen by a performer on the stage facing the audience, R., 
means right-hand; l., left-hand; c, center of stage; r. c, 
right of center ; l. c, left of center ; d. r., door at right ; d. l., 
door at left. Up, means toward rear of stage; down, toward 
footlights. IS^ 

®_CLD 41795 



SEP 22 1915 , ™ P92 -°««^o 



PEGGY'S PREDICAMENT. 



SCENE: — A kitchen in a modern New York apartment. 
Doors up r. and up l. Kitchen table c. Two ivooden 
chairs r. and l. of table. Gas-stove l. c. Garbage can 
with cover near stove. Dresser r. c. containing pots 
and pans in loiver section and dishes in upper part. 
Shelf with jars labelled Coffee, Tea, Salt, Rice, Spices, 
etc., l. c. Raisins, bottle of vanilla, box of matches, etc., 
on shelf. Ice-chest containing batter, eggs, milk, etc., 
under shelf. Coffee-pot stands upon stove. Two loaves 
of bread should be in the bread-box in the dresser. 
Cook-book, knives, forks and spoons in table-draioer. 
Clothes-horse hung with tea toivels and aprons up r. 
Dumb-ivaiter is supposedly behind the clothes-horse. A 
heavy bit of rope to be struck against the wall by some- 
one behind the clothes-horse icill make the dumb-waiter 
sound more real. Push-button and speaking tube may 
be off stage or in the wall in full sight, if preferred. 
Time, morning. Lights up. 

NOTE. If a gas-stove is not available, a small packing- 
box covered with black paper muslin will make an effective 
stove; especially when pots and pans are placed upon the top. 
A refrigerator can also be represented by a packing-box. A 
book-case placed upon a table makes a satisfactory dresser. 
A girl with a deep voice back of the clothes-horse represents 
the janitor. 

DISCOVERED Peggy Wilson seated l. of table, her 
hands over her ears, Helen West is at d. r. listening 
intently. There is a sound of crashing china and glass 
off stage. Peggy starts at each crash. A door slams off 
R. Helen goes up as Dorothy ENTERS d. r. 

Peggy (rush.ing to Dorothy). Has she gone? 
Helen (rushing to Dorothy's other side). Did you dis- 
charge her? 

3 



4 Peggy's Predicament. 

Dorothy (brushing flour from her dress). Well, some- 
body discharged someone and — (Smiling up into Peggy's 
anxious face) as most of me seems to be here, some of her — 
(Points off r.) must have gone. 

Peggy (clasping her hands). Dorothy! Just suppose you 
hadn't come in! I don't know what I should have done. 

Helen. She frightened me out of my wits ! 

Dorothy. Nonsense! You shouldn't let a little thing like 
that disturb you. (Takes oft her coat and gloves) 

Peggy (seating herself). Little thing! She was a giant. 

Helen (back of table, leaning forward). How did you 
ever get rid of her? 

Peggy. What did you say? 

Dorothy (shrugging her shoulders). Nothing. 

Peggy (in surprise). Nothing? Then what did you do? 

Dorothy. I pointed to the door and glared at her. 
Straight in the eyes like this. (Leaning forward and glaring 
at Peggy) It's the way they tame wild beasts you know. 

Peggy (admiringly). Dorothy! How perfectly splendid! 

Helen. How many wild beasts have you tamed, dear? 

Dorothy (with dignity). I tamed this one, all right. 

Helen. And she went without a word? 

Dorothy. Well, not exactly. When she had exhausted the 
encyclopedia and the dictionary, she fell back upon a charming 
vocabulary of her own. 

Peggy (lowering her voice and drawing her chair up to 
Dorothy). Do you know, Dorothy, I hate to say it, but I 
believe she had a drop too much. 

Dorothy (laughing). My dear Peggy, she had several 
quarts too much. 

Helen (looking toward d. r.). And you really think she 
was drunk? 

Peggy (with a shiver). How terrible! 

Dorothy. Well, she may not have been drunk, but your 
husband's best brandy was drunk. That I know. 

Peggy ( sighing ) . Poor Frank ! What on earth will he 
say? 

Helen (shaking her head). She was such a good cook, 
too. 

Dorothy. I should consider her a pretty bad one. 

Peggy (on the verge of tears). And he was going to bring 
his mother home to lunch. And I have never seen her. And 
I wanted everything to go off so nicely. And now — now she 
will know I can't cook. And Frank will be so ashamed of me. 



Peggy's Predicament. 5 

And — and there will be no lunch — And — and — and — (Bursts 
into tears) 

Dorothy (catching up her coat). Lunch? All this fuss 
about lunch? You just watch your Uncle Dudley! 

Helen (her hand consolingly on Peggy's shoulder). Oh, 
Dorothy, can you? Can you really? 

Dorothy (pulling on her gloves). Can I? Well, I guess. 

Peggy (drying her eyes). But did you ever cook lunch 
before? 

Dorothy (going toward d. r.). My dear Peggy, you don't 
cook lunch, you get it. I shall proceed to get it. 

ENTER Rita and Mabel Mason, d. r. 

Rita. Are you girls deaf? I pushed that button until it 
pushed in. 

Peggy (hugging Rita). Rita Mason. How perfectly splen- 
did. 

Helen (shaking both of Mabel's hands). Mabel Mason, 
where on earth did you come from? I didn't know you were 
in town. 

Rita (looking at Dorothy's coat and hat, after shaking 
hands with her). Are you coming or going? 

Dorothy (laughing). Both. I happened to be passing 
this way and thought I'd stop in and see how smooth the 
bridal path was. 

Peggy (slipping her arm around Dorothy). She saved my 
life. She was just in time to save me from the clutches of 
a crazy cook. 

Dorothy. And now she's going to take the crazy cook's 
place. 

Peggy (to Rita). Frank's mother is coming to lunch, you 
see. 

Helen (to Rita). You don't look as if you grasped the 
importance of that fact. 

Dorothy (to Mabel). Do you realize what it means to 
have Frank's mother coming to lunch? 

Mabel (shaking her head). Not exactly. 

Dorothy. I suspected as much. Frank is hubby. 

Helen (indicating Peggy). Her brand, new hubby. 

Dorothy. And he has a ma. A most wonderful ma. (Rolls 
her eyes) The kind-that-mother-used-to-make-ma. And she 
is coming here — here to lunch. The cook has gone the way of 
all cooks and the friend and companion of our childhood is, in 



6 Peggy's Predicament. 

the words of the immortal Shakespeare, " Up against it n 
(Drops her tragic tone) Get me? 

Rita (looking from one to the other, mystified). Yes, but 
why all this fuss? Can't you get lunch? 

Peggy (eagerly). That's just what she's about to do. 

Dorothy (staining toward d. b.). I'm on my way to the 
delicatessen-shop now. 

Rita. Horrors! Do you mean to say that with all these 
things. (With a icave of her arm about the kitchen) Three 
able-bodied, strong-minded females couldn't fix up something 
for lunch? (To Peggy) Have you forgotten the happy hours 
spent in cooking-school when we made pop-overs that wouldn't 
pop, and fritters that wouldn't frit? 

Peggy (shaking her head). I have forgotten. 

Mabel. So have I. I don't remember a blessed thing. 

Doeothy (her hand to her brow theatrically). Wait. I do 
remember. Way back in my brain there lingers a faint recol- 
lection of something I once cooked that laid like a weight 
upon my heart for a week. (Places her hand at her waist) 

Helen (laughing). That's not your heart, Dorothy. That's 
your tum-tum. 

Rita. You need not visit the delicatessen-shop, Dorothy, 
and Peggy you need have no fear. J shall cook the lunch. 
(Removes her wraps and takes apron from clothes-horse) 
Now, what will you have? 

Mabel (removing her wraps. All the girls put on aprons). 
Puree of chestnuts. 

Helen. Grilled mushrooms on toast. 

Dorothy. Two entrees, a roast and a sherbert. 

Peggy (in alarm). Oh, no, please, Rita, let's have something 
easy, like — like — eggs. 

Mabel, Dorothy and Helen. Eggs? 

Rita (relieved). Eggs? Oh, of course, if you prefer eggs, 
eggs you shall have. Shall it be an omelette? 

Peggy (clapping her hands). Just the thing. An omelette. 

Rita. Fine. Where are the eggs? 

Peggy. Help me look for them, girls. (Girls look in all 
sorts of possible and impossible places) 

Mabel (lookmg into bread-box). Isn't this the darlingest 
little kitchen? 

Helen. So different from that great, big, old-fashioned 
thing at home. (Looks in table drawer) 

Peggy. It's just perfect. I know I shall love my little flat. 









Peggy's Predicament. 7 

Rita (turning back her cuffs). It's a beauty. Almost makes 
me wish I were not a suffragette. 

Peggy. Do you think Frank will be very angry about cook's 
going? 

Dorothy. He'll never know the difference. 

Rita. Of course not. We'll fix up a fine lunch and — (Shak- 
ing her finger at Peggy) Don't you breathe a word until 
after it's over. 

Peggy (taking dish from ice-box and bringing it to table). 
And you'll teach me how to do it, won't you? How surprised 
Frank's mother will be then. 

Rita. Won't it be fun? (Catches Helen, Dobothy, Mabel 
and Peggy by the hands and the girls dance in a ring about 
the kitchen table while Rita sings) 

" Oh, you get the hatchet, and I'll get the saw ; 
And we'll cut off the head of our mother-in-law." 

Peggy (pulling away from the group of laughing girls). 
Rita, what a perfectly horrid song! (Whistle bloivs loud and 
long. All start) 

Helen. Shades of Caesar! What's that? 

Dobothy (looking about puzzled). It sounded like a whis- 
tle. 

Peggy. It went off like that last night and Bridget said 
she'd answer it. 

Helen (her hands over her ears as the whistle blows again). 
Hadn't you better answer it, Peggy? 

Peggy (shaking her head). I don't know how. 

Mabel. What did Bridget do last night? 

Peggy. I haven't the faintest idea. (Rope is heard flapping 
against the wall off) I know. It's the dumb-waiter. (Goes 
behind clothes-horse and calls) What is it? 

Voice (from behind clothes-horse) Garbage. 

Peggy (re-appearing, indignantly). Did you hear what he 
called me? (Points toward dumb-ivaiter) 

Helen. He? Who? 

Rita. Who dared call you anything? 

Peggy (still pointing off). The man down there. 

Voice (from behind clothes-horse, impatiently). Garbage. 
Garbage. I can't be waitin' here all day. 

Dobothy. I know. That's his Royal Highness, the Janitob. 
He's the Grand Pan Jam before whom we all kow-tow. You 
give him whatever he wants whether you have it or not. Are 
there any garbage-cans in this — er — garage? 



8 Peggy's Predicament. 

Peggy (looking about). I think so. 

Helen (spying can by stove). What's this? 

Peggy (as Rita lifts can). Oh, Rita, let me! That's heavy. 

Mabel (admiringly as Rita carries can toward dumb-waiter). 
Rita, how lovely and strong you are! 

Rita (calling off). Hi, there, how do I get it down? 

Voice (off). Sind it down! Sind it down! Air yez after 
a-thinkin' I'm coomin' up fer it? 

Rita (re-appearing, anxiously). Hadn't I better attach 
a rope or something to lower it by? 

Voice (off). Come on! Come on there! I ain't a-waitin' 
here all day. Sind it down or ye kin impty it yersilf. 

Rita (off). On your own head be it then. Now — (She lets 
the can fall. The lid should be loose s'o it can rattle and so 
make more noise. There is a crash, a shout, and a scream off) 

Peggy (as Rita re-appears dusting her hands). Rita ! What 
have you done? 

Rita (trying to speak calmly). I think I killed him. Ugly 
little beast! 

Mabel (her hands over her ears). What an unearthly 



scream 



Dorothy (nervously, looking over her shoulder). Do — do 
you really think he's dead, Rita? 

Rita (calmly). I hope so. (Turning to table) Now for the 
luncheon. (To Peggy) Did you find the eggs? 

Peggy (taking eggs from bowl). Yes. Will a dozen be 
enough? 

Dorothy (as the girls gather about the table). They spread 
out when they're opened. 

Helen. I should say they did. I never saw such a mess as 
one egg can make. 

Rita. We can start with a dozen, anyway. 

Dorothy (taking up eggs and examining them gingerly). 
How are you going to get the shells off? 

Peggy (pulling out table drawer). Wonder what Bridget 
did with the nut-cracker. 

Mabel. A hammer will do nicely. 

Helen. Nonsense. I never heard of such ignorance. You 
should make a hole in each end and blow. My brother always 
did with birds' eggs. 

Mabel. My dear child, these are not birds' eggs. 

Helen. If a rooster isn't a bird I'd like to know what it is. 

Rita. That's all right, girls. I can manage. Now ladies 
and gentlemen — stand back a little, Peggy, she might splash — 



Peggy's Predicament. 9 

I'll give you a lesson in the noble art of cooking or how to 
find a way to a man's heart. (Opens several eggs with a 
flourish and lets them drop into a bowl which Peggy gives her) 

Dorothy. Look out. You put a bit of shell in that time. 

Mabel (anxiously). Shouldn't you separate them? 

Rita (with contempt). Separate your grandmother. This 
isn't a Reno omelette. Here, you beat them, Peggy, while I 
find something to stuff them with. 

Peggy (hitting the eggs gingerly with the fork Rita gives 
her). I didn't know you had to beat them. I thought an 
omelette was just eggs, 

Rita (going toward shelf). That's where you're way off. 
An omelette's whatever you have in the larder. (Takes jars 
and boxes one by one from the ice-chest and shelf and gives 
them to Dorothy, ivho places them upon the table, watched 
with interest by Mabel and Helen tvho are seated r, and l. 
of table) Here's — here's butter and milk and — oh — fine — 
raisins. 

Helen (as Rita pours raisins into bowl). I never heard of 
raisins in an omelette. 

Peggy (shaking her head). Neither did I. Never. 

Rita (in patronizing tone). My dear child, there are lots 
of things in this world that you never heard of. Your artistic 
soul lives in a world of its own and it is not surprising that 
such trifles as food and drink should escape your notice. You 
girls are from the country and are not used to city methods. 
The science of cooking has progressed considerably since you 
went to school. 

Dorothy (nudging Helen and nodding saucily at Rita). 
May we venture to ask where you acquired your extensive in- 
formation. I thought you had always boarded. 

Helen. Like the rest of us miserable mortals. 

Rita. I confess that most of my cooking heretofore has been 
done at a typewriter, but you see I am a suffragette and a 
suffragette is equal to any emergency. If a poor ignorant 
servant girl can get a decent meal I guess a sensible college 
graduate can. You just have to use your common sense. 
Simplest thing in the world. 

Girls (applauding heartily). Hear! Hear! 

Rita (laughing). Don't you like raisins? 

Peggy (doubtfully). Yes, but — 

Rita (sifting in raisins with a liberal hand). Then it's all 

right. We'll have plenty. (Takes down more jars) And 

l , here's rice and — fine — maccaroni. (Gives jars to Dorothy, 



10 Peggy's Predicament. 

who places them upon the table) Let me see, what else? 

Helen (looking up at shelf and then at Rita questioningly). 
Salt? 

Rita (taking down jar marked "Salt 11 ). Oh, yes, salt. 
Wonder how much I should put in? (Looks at Mabel, who 
shakes her head) 

Mabel (with a sigh). I haven't the faintest idea. 

Peggy (who has found a cook-book in the table-drawer and 
has been flopping over the leaves ) . A pinch. This book says a 
pinch. Wait, Rita. (Looking up from her book as Rita puts 
in a tremendous pmch from the jar) That isn't salt. 

Rita (looking at label of jar). It's the salt-box. 

Peggy (taking box from her and gingerly tastmg contents). 
Yes, I know, but it's sugar. I forgot to buy a sugar dish. 

Dorothy. That's all right. Frank has a sweet tooth and 
he probably inherited it from his ma. 

Helen (looking into bowl). Doesn't that look delicious. 

Rita (returning to shelf). Now for the vanilla. 

Peggy (taking bottle from Rita). Rita, you mustn't. Va- 
nilla's for cake. I know that much. 

Rita (holding out her hand). This omelette's going to take 
the cake. It's got to have flavoring, Peg, honest Injun! (Ah 
Peggy reluctantly gives her the bottle she empties its contents 
into the bowl and exclaims with satisfaction) There! Now, 
have you a gridiron or something I can stew it on? 

Peggy (holding up sauce-pan). Will this do? 

Rita (taking it from, her). Splendidly! 

Dorothy (folding her arms upon the table and watching 
Rita pour the contents of the bowl into the pan). Shouldn't 
you grease it first? 

Mabel (from the other side of the table). What's the use? 
The lard only melts and mixes in. 

Rita. That's where you use your common sense. Most cooks 
are wasteful and extravagant. There ! That looks pretty good 
to me! (Looks about with satisfaction) What's next on 
the program? 

Helen. Why not give her coffee? The test of a good cook 
is coffee. 

Peggy (taking doivn tea- jar). Hadn't we better try tea? 
It's heaps easier. 

Rita. And let her think you're afraid? Not on your life. 
Coffee it shall be. Coffee! Coffee! Who's got the coffee? 

Peggy ( taking jar marked " Coffee " from shelf and remov- 
ing the lid to look wonderingly at the contents ) . It smells like 
coffee but it doesn't look like coffee. 



Peggy's Predicament. 11 

Dorothy (taking jar from Peggy and shaking it). If it 
smells like coffee and makes a noise like coffee then it is coffee. 

Helen (taking tin from Dorothy and looking at contents). 
I thought so. It's bean coffee. They always used it home. 

Peggy. If it's been coffee, why isn't it coffee nowf 

Rita (taking jar from Helen). Not been, Peggy, bean, 
B-E-A-N. It's just as good as the ground. 

Mabel. It's better. I detest grounds. 

Rita (measuring coffee into pot ivith a cup that she takes 
from the dresser). You'll drink a cup. Mother-in-law will 
drink a cup and Frank will drink two. (Looks up puzzled) 
Wonder whether I should take hot water or cold? 

Peggy and Mabel. Hot. 

Dorothy and Helen. Cold. 

Peggy. I'm sure it should be hot. 

Dorothy. I'm positive it should be cold. 

Rita (taking a quarter from her purse). We'll toss up for 
it. Heads — hot. Tails — cold. (Tosses coin. Girls crowd 
around her) Cold water it is. Where's the ice-pitcher? 

Peggy (her hand protestingly on the pitcher). But the 
water doesn't have to be freezing, Rita. 

Rita (firmly). That's all you know about it. A good cook 
has hot things piping hot and cold things freezing cold. No 
half way business about it. (Fills coffee-pot from ice-pitcher 
and looks up with satisfaction) Now, what have we? 

Helen. Omelette ! 

Mabel. Coffee ! 

Dorothy. Biscuits ! 

Peggy. I'm afraid there are no biscuits, Rita. Will bread 
do? 

Rita. Oh, I think we might try biscuits. I'm not afraid. 

Peggy (looking at her watch). I'm sure we shan't have 
time. Besides there is plenty of bread and it will only get 
stale. (Takes two loaves from bread-box to table) 

Rita. All right. You cut it, Dorothy. 

Dorothy (taking knife from drawer and cutting bread). 
Let's have sandwiches. 

Helen. Let's. I can make dandy sandwiches. The last 
time I made some Frank ate six. 

Peggy (laughing). And wanted sixty. Cut it thicker, 
Dorothy. Men hate bread cut thin. 

Rita. Now, where's the kerosene? 

Peggy (aghast). Rita! What on earth are you going to do 
with kerosene? 



12 Peggy's Predicament. 

Rita. Start the fire. Cook always did back home. I've 
seen her lots of times. 

Peggy (going to stove). But this is a gas-range. 

Rita (examining stove). How do you work it? (Dorothy 
cuts up loth loaves of bread absently. Mabel butters a slice, 
spreads sugar upon it and munches it contentedly. Helen 
watches Rita) 

Peggy. I don't know. I suppose you turn on the gas first. 
(Turns cock) 

Rita. Have you any matches? 

Peggy. There are some in a box on the shelf. Will you get 
them, Helen? 

Helen (taking box of matches to Rita). What a funny 
smell ! 

Peggy. It never smelled like that before. 

Dorothy. You'll explode something if you are not careful. 

Mabel (spreading another slice of bread with butter). Bet- 
ter ask the janitor how to start it. 

Rita (catching Dorothy's arm as she starts toward door). 
Not on your life ! That janitor's got a grudge against me. 

Peggy. I have it. The chafing-dish! (Rushes off d. l.) 

Rita (coming forward). Just the thing! 

Helen. Peggy is so clever! 

Mabel. So resourceful! 

RE-ENTER Peggy, d. l., carrying chafing-dish and a bottle 
marked "Alcohol." 

Dorothy (to Peggy). Hope your late lamented treasure 
left you some alcohol. (Shakes bottle) Not a drop. 

Peggy. What are we going to do? 

Rita. Have you any cologne? That burns like lightning. 
(Peggy rushes off d. l.) 

Helen (while Peggy is off). Won't it smell like a house- 
afire? 

Rita. Can't be helped. This is a case of first aid to the 
injured. 

RE-ENTER Peggy, d. l., with cologne bottle. 

Peggy (holding up bottle). Will this be enough? 
Rita (pouring cologne into chafing-dish stove). It will 
have to be. (Lights lamp under chafing-dish) 
Peggy (as Rita takes up sauce-pan). If you cook the eggs 



Peggy's Predicament. 13 

first, Rita, won't they get cold while the coffee is — er — cough- 
ing? 

Rita (puzzled, looking at pan). But if we cook the coffee 
first it will get cold while the eggs boil. 

Dorothy. I have it. How you girls would get along with- 
out me I can't imagine. Cook the things turn and turn about. 
You hold the coffee-pot for five minutes, Rita, and then let 
Peg have a whack at the eggs. Then the coffee, then the eggs. 
You first, Peggy. 

Peggy. No, Rita, she's company. 

Rita (holding sauce-pan over chafing-dish while Peggy 
waits patiently, coffee-pot in hand). I think this is jolly good 
fun! Don't get a girl at all, Peggy. Dot and I will help you 
out. 

Helen. And Mabel and I will take a hand when you get 
tired. 

Dorothy. And we'll get dinner together just like this. 

Peggy (doubtfully). Hadn't we better go out to dinner, 
just at first, until we've had a little more practice? 

Mabel. Time's up, Rita, it's Peggy's turn now. 

Rita (removing sauce-pan so Peggy can put the coffee-pot 
over the flame). Just think how much money you'll save every 
month. 

Helen (bending over sauce-pan held by Rita). Ought they 
to smell like that? 

Rita. Of course. Eggs always smell when they're cooking. 

Dorothy. Shows they are genuine. None of your cheap 
imitations. 

Rita (as Helen catches up fork). No, don't stir them, 
Helen, just shake the pan. (Gives pan to Helen and catches 
up her coat) Now, Dorothy, you set the table while I run 
around to the florist. This luncheon is going to be done brown. 
Don't let the things burn, Peggy. Remember, first the coffee 
then the eggs. Mabel, you time them. I'll be back in a min- 
ute. [EXIT Dorothy, d. l. and EXIT Rita, d. r. 

Peggy (giving Mabel the coffee-pot to hold). Take this, 
Mabel. I saw something in that cook-book. If I can find 
it we'll surprise Rita. She shan't have all the honors. (Flops 
over pages of cook-book) 

Mabel. What was it? 

Peggy (reading half aloud, half to herself). Lobster-a-la- 
Newburg — um-um. 

Helen. That's too hard. 

Peggy. Oyster croquettes. Ice-cream— 



14 Peggy's Predicament. 

Mabel. That's easy. Mother used to make it by the gallon. 
(Whistle blows) 

Peggy. Who can that be? 

Helen. That janitor! (Dumb-waiter rope is heard flap- 
ping) 

Voice (off stage, calling). Ice. 

Peggy (running to dumb-waiter and calling). Ice? Yes. 
That is if you're sure it's fresh. Very well. You can bring 
me, oh, about a pound and a half, and if it proves satisfactory 
you can leave the same amount to-morrow. What? No less 
than ten pounds? Oh, but that's nonsense! Frank and I can 
never eat ten pounds. (With dignity) No, if you can't fill my 
order, I'll get someone else to serve me. (Comes forward) 
The idea. He needn't think he can bully me. 

Mabel. You are perfectly right. Give them an inch and 
they ride straight over you. (Whistle blows again. Rope 
flaps) 

Helen. Shall I go? 

Peggy. Will you, dear? 

Helen (calling down dumb-waiter). The butcher? Just a 
minute. It's the butcher, Peggy. Do you want any meat? 

Peggy (going to dumb-waiter). Yes. Let me there. (Calls) 
Good-morning. What? Yes. You can bring me some chops. 
What kind? Oh, the ones with paper ruffles. Pink paper, 
please. Frank is so fond of pink. About — let me see — I should 
think ten pounds would be enough. Yes, charge them to my 
husband. Yes, that will be all for to-day. Oh, wait a min- 
ute. Will you stop at the potato store when you bring the 
meat and get me six potatoes? No, not six pounds. Six po- 
tatoes. Guess you'd better bring four. I'm afraid they won't 
keep. That's all, thank you. (Comes forward. There is a 
ring at the bell. She starts) My stars, who can that be? Go 
to the door, will you, Helen, and if any one wants to see me, 
tell them I'm out, engaged, dead, anything you choose, only 
don't let them in. (EXIT Helen d. r.) You don't suppose 
Frank's mother could have made a mistake in the time, do you? 

Mabel. I hope not. 

ENTER Rita, d. r., disguised by a long coat and a heavy veil. 

Rita (advancing to Peggy, who backs away). Is this Mrs. 
Wilson? Mrs. Frank Wilson? 

Peggy (Hoisting her apron desperately). Plaze, mum, I'm 
the new cook. 



"Peggy's Predicament. 15 

Rita (sternly, in disguised voice). Cook, eh, and what can 
you cook? 

Peggy (gulping). Nothing. That is, everything. 

Rita. Indeed. Can you — er — stew bread? 

Peggy (quickly). No, ma'am. That is, yes — yes, ma'am. I 
— I mean I — I can if I try. 

Rita. You don't seem any too sure. Can you — er — fry soup? 

Peggy (eagerly). Not — not yet, but I'm learning. 

Rita (taking up jar marked "rice"). And rice. Can you 
roast rice? 

Peggy (timidly). Do you roast rice? I thought you boiled 
it. 

Rita. Do you — you dare question my culinary ability? 

Peggy (frightened). Oh, no, no indeed. Not at all. I 
shouldn't think of doing such a thing. 

Rita. I shall remove my wraps and wait for the return of 
my son's wife. 

Peggy (eagerly trying to lead her toward d. l.) Yes, you 
will wait in the library. 

Rita (standing rigidly). No, I shall wait here, to see that 
my son's meals are properly prepared. And further, miss, I 
shall report you to your mistress for leaving the front door 
open. My son might have been murdered in his sleep if I 
hadn't happened in to save him. 

Peggy (looking off nervously) . I — I didn't know the front 
door was left open. 

Rita. It was your business to know. But for me he might 
have been murdered. MURDERED. 

Mabel (timidly). But he couldn't have been murdered. 
He — he isn't here. 

Rita (frowning severely upon Mabel). That makes no dif- 
ference. So you will kindly not interfere. If he had been 
here he might have been murdered. It's all the same. (To 
Peggy) Now look sharp, and don't fritter. I shall return in 
a few minutes. [EXIT Rita, d. r. 

Peggy (sinking down by table in despair). Don't fritter. 
Don't fritter. Oh, Frank, you never told me she was like this. 
I shall die, I know I shall. 

Mabel (her arm consolingly around Peggy). She's a per- 
fectly horrid old woman ! Don't you care, Peggy. Don't you 
mind a word she said. 

Peggy (sobbing). She — she will find me out and then what 
shall I do? Oh, Frank, Frank, if you would only come. 



16 "Peggy's Predicament. 

ENTER Dorothy, d. l. Disguised as a little old lady, she 
wears a long ram-coat, a bonnet, a heavy veil and leans 
upon an umbrella. She speaks in a high, thin voice. 

Dorothy (going to Peggy and patting her shoulder). My 
dear child, tears? At this hour of the day? Come, come, come, 
this will never do ! 

Peggy (starting up, wiping her eyes and looking at old lady 
in surprise). I — I — beg your pardon, but — but — who are you? 
How did you come here? 

Dorothy. Don't you know? Can't you guess? (As Peggy 
shakes her head) Whom is your mistress expecting? 

Peggy ( starting ) . What ? 

Dorothy (nodding). That's right. You've guessed it. 

Peggy ( looking at Mabel, who taps her forehead significantly 
as if to signify that the woman is crazy). But I don't under- 
stand. There's some mistake. You can't be. She — she's — 

ENTER Rita, d. r., followed by Helen. 

Rita (briskly). Now, my girl, I'm ready — (Catches sight of 
Dorothy and recognizes her) Dorothy, you wretch! 

Dorothy (lifting her veil and laughing). Rita, you villain! 
(There is a ring at the door bell) 

Dorothy. I'll go! 

Rita. No, I shall! 

Peggy. No, thank you. I'll go myself. [EXIT Peggy, d. r. 

Rita (to Mabel). You don't suppose she's angry, do you? 

Mabel. It was a mighty shabby trick! 

Helen. It certainly was. 

Rita. Dorothy, I'm ashamed of you. The idea of your pre- 
"tending to be Frank's mother. 

Dorothy (laughing) . Well, I like that. You did it first. 

Rita. But I fooled her, completely. 

Mabel. But you didn't fool me. 

Rita. Oh, yes, I did. (To Dorothy) Where did you get 
your costume? 

Dorothy. My rain-coat and a veil from Peggy's room over 
my old hat. And yours? 

Rita. Found it on the hall-rack as I went out. I couldn't 
resist it. 

ENTER Peggy, d. r., waving a telegram, her eyes shining. 



"Peggy's Predicament. 17 

Peggy. Girls, girls, she isn't coming until next week. 

Rita (catching up sauce-pan). Fine! We'll throw this 
truck into the garbage-pail and go out to lunch. 

Peggy. Yes, and we'll buy a sensible cook-book on our 
way home and learn to cook. 

Rita (waving the sauce-pan). 

Then bury the hatchet, the hammer, and saw, 
She's nothing to fear from her mother-in-law. 

(Each of the girls catches up a kitchen utensil, holds it aloft 
with her right hand and, ivith her left on the shoulder of 
the girl in front of her, marches about the room toward 
Exit. All hum wedding -march. Rita leads followed by 
Dorothy, Mabel, Helen and, last of all Peggy. Curtain 
falls upon march or tableau if preferred) 

CURTAIN. 



A BUNCH OF ROSES 



A Burlesque Musical Entertainment, By W. D. Felti* 

price, 15 cents 
Cast of Characters 

Mrs. Ph<ebb Ann Ros» , from Kalamano* 

Prudence Lobelia "\ 

Polly Clorinda I 

Priscilla v .. _ . - _. 

Pamelia f • • the Bunch of Rose* 

Patience: I 

Penelopk / 
Lilly "J 

Violet f .•••• the Rost-buds 

Daisy J 

Sally Sparks •••••••••• who only ** thinks so." 

Matilda Jane ••••••••••• the Hired Girl 

Melvin Melrose •••••• the Only Young Man on the Spot 

A burlesque musical entertainment in I act, by W. D. Felter (author of " The Sweet 
Family," etc.), i male, 13 female characters. Time of performance about 1% hours. 
This is a miscellaneous programme rendered for the benefit^ of 4i The Free Ice Fund 
for the Philippine Islanders." It includes various "specialties," living pictures, 
Mother-Goose chorus, etc., and concludes with a burlesque operetta entitled ^John- 
ny Jones." The Roses, the Rosebuds and the Only Young Man on the Spot make up 
an entertainment that cannot fail to excite continuous mirth for the better part of an 
evening. The author has produced this burlesque at church entertainments in many 
parts of the country, with unvarying success. 

GERTRUDE MASON, M.D. 

Or, THE LADY DOCTOR 

A Farce in One Act, for Female Characters, By 
L. M. C. Armstrong 

PRICE, 15 CENTS 

Cast of Characters 

Gertrude Mason, M.D • . . a young Physician 

Bertha Lawrence ) . _ . , 

Ella Gray J her Friends 

Miss Jane Simpkins •»•••••« Spinster of Uncertain Age 

Mrs. Van Style •••••••••• one of the" 400" 

Norah •••••••••••• Dr. Mason's Cook 

Marie • . . • a Lady's Maid 

Time.— The Present. Place.— New York. 
Time of Representation. — Thirty Minutes. 

An exceedingly bright piece for young ladies, in which young Dr. Gertrude, 
already a victim of circumstances, is made the victim of a practical joke. The scenes 
■with Mrs, Van Style, who mistakes the doctor for a pawnbroker, and Miss Jane 
Sitnpkins, who brings a sick dog to be cured, are hilarious, while Nora, an Irish cook, 
is^ deliciously droll. The cook is the star of the piece, but all the personages are 
vivacious and every situation bristles with fun. 



"JUST FOR FUN" 

An Up-to Date Society Comedy in Three Acts, by ELEANOR MAUD CRANl 

PRICE, 15 CENTS 

Tust for Fun is just the thing for amateur companies with ambitions above the 
level of the one-act comedy. It is a clever representation of a phase of society life in 
New York. The dialogue is bright, the incidents are funny, and every character is 
prominent. The play^ is so easily staged that it can be done in a parlor without 
scenery. Its success in New York last winter was so pronounced that it is cheerfully 
recommended to all clubs in other parts of the country, 

DRAMATIS PERSONS 
Mrs. Fitzgerald Mandeville de Smythe • • a Would-Be Society Leader 

Miss Edith Morton, her niece a Western Heiress 

Miss Mabel West • a Friend of Miss Morton's 

Jane McCarthey •••••••••an Irish Maid-Servant 

Lord Chelsea •••••••••an English Nobleman 

Jack Earl, his friend •••••••a Happy-Go-Lucky Fellow 

TiME.—The Present. Place.— New York City. 
Time of Representation. — Two Hours. 



SYNOPSIS 

Act I. — In the course of which the audience learns how, for reasons of her own, 
Miss Morton persuades her friend Miss West to change places with her, and Lord 
Chelsea and Mr. Earl decide to borrow each other's names and positions for a month. 

Act II. — During which Miss West plays eavesdropper, Mr. Earl learns a great 
secret, and Jane makes a revelation to Mrs. de Smythe. 

Act III. — In which the complications are straightened out to the satisfaction of 
all concerned, including the audience. 

SNOBSON'S STAG PARTY 

A Farce in One Act, for 12 Male Characters, by L C TEES 

PRICE, 15 CENTS 

DRAMATIS PERSONS 

Nicholas Snobson ...••• the Old Crank Who Gives the Party 

Clarence Mountjoy •••••• his Gay and Festive Nephew 

Ebeneezer Snowball ••••••• a Mischievous "Coon'* 

Julius Dinkelspiel ••••••• a Guest from the Fatherland 

Fazio Spaghetti ••••••• a Dago Without the Monkey 

Henry Hawkins ........ a Blarsted Henglishman 

Mrs. Hezekiah Chickenstealer, an unexpected guest front 

Thompson Street Female Impersonator 

Mrs. Michael Moriarty, front Shantytown* likewise unex- 
pected • •••••.... Female Impersonator 

Jim Scrapper ..*••• a Tough Gent from the Fourth District 

Alfonso Heavyweight a Crushed Tragedian 

Bill Ballotbox .... a Ward Politician 

Time. — The Present. Place. — New York. 
Thepiece v ill run about one hour, if played " straight." With specialties (which 
are provided for) it can be lengthened according to talent. 

THE KEY TO THE FUN 

Nicholas Snobson, a rich and eccentric woman hater, lives i f I seclusion with his 
Kvely nephew and a mischievous darky servant. Snobson is induced to give a 
party — a stag party, because he won't have a woman on the premises. Being without 
friends, he selects the guests at random from the city directory and dispatches his 
invitations. Soon the company, of all colors and every race, begin to arrive, including 
two ladies — white and black— who get in by mistake, and the " party " begins. After 
a succession of comical incidents and specialties Bill Ballotbox, the ward leader, 
arrives with a brass band and a political delegation, and the fun culminates in s 
regular war dance. 



Plays for Female Characters 

CHEERFUL COMPANION, A 15 cents. A duologue for two femaW 
characters, adapted from a Character Sketch by Ina Leon Cassilis. Parlor scene. 
Time, 25 minutes. A lady of refinement advertised for a cheerful, musical companion, 
a good reader. She has one applicant, who proves to be tearfully doleful, garrulous 
over disappointed love failures, and an unmitigated bore. A fine scope for character 
delineation. 

CRANFORD DAMES* 1 5 cents. A play for 8 or 14 female charac- 
ters, by Alice Byington. 2 interior scenes. Costumes of sixty years ago. Time 
of playing, x% hours. A clever adaptation of Mrs. Gaskell's Cranford," which 
is perhaps one of the finest pieces of humoristic writing within the entire range of 
English fiction. The delicate pathos, the subtle humor, the quaint atmosphere of the 
book have been well preserved in the play, and the result is a series of episodes almost 
wholly devoid of that element called plot, but possessed, none the less, of a charm that 
cannot fail to please the audience. The piece is easily managed, and will prove a 
strong attraction for young ladies' representations. 

GERTRUDE MASON, MIX ; or, The Lady Doctor. 15 cents. 

A farce in i act for 7 female characters, by L. M. C. Armstrong. Plain room scene 
or no scene at all. Runs 30 minutes. An exceedingly bright piece for young ladies, 
in which young Dr. Gertrude, already a victim of circumstances, is made the victim 
of a practical joke. The scenes with Mrs. Van Style y who mistakes the doctor for a 
pawnbroker, and Miss Jane Sitnpkins, who brings a sick dog to be cured, are hilari- 
ous, while Nora, an Irish cook, is deliciously droll. The cook is the star of the 
piece, but all the personages are vivacious and every situation bristles with fun. ^ 

LOVE AND A WAY. 15 cents. A comedy in 3 acts and 1 scene, by 
Evelyn Simms. 4^ female characters. Scene, a sitting-room. Time, \% hours. 
Phyllis, a young girl, loving and beloved by Jack Pemberton, a rich young man, 
refuses to marry him because her maiden aunts consent and every one wishes it. 
Jack is reported to have lost his fortune, and now she wants to marryjack, with whom 
her aunts forbid any communication. By the aid of her friend Beatrice an elopement 
is planned and carried out, and a most surprising climax is sprung upon the audience. 

MAIDENS ALL FORLORN. 1 5 cents. A comedy in 3 acts and 
1 scene, by Evelyn Simms. 6 female characters. Scene, a parlor in a seaside cottage. 
Time, \% hours. Three young girjs^ chafing under the monotony of a man-forsaken 
resort, write Teddy to come and visit them. Teddy cannot come, but answers that 
his friend Dr. Jocelyn Denby will # come and help while away the time. Great 
preparations are made for his reception, including much interest by a Maiden Aunt. 
Each prepares a present to bestow on the Doctor, and feigns an ailment to interest 
him. The Doctor arrives — a woman. The climax, deftly worked out, is sprung on 
the audience at the last moment, and insures the play a complete success. The char- 
acters are all good, the Maiden A unt and Mrs. Moloney are great character parts. 

MURDER WILL OUT* 15 cents. A farce in i act, for 6 female 
characters, by L. M. Elwyn. Time, 30 minutes. A breezy and effective farce, in 
which half a dozen bright girls can delight an audience with half an hour of innocent fun. 
Grandmother Stiles and her demure but frolicsome granddaughter are excellent charac- 
ters ; Dinah, the colored cook, is amusing, and Bridget O* Flaherty is a funny Irish 
girl — her quarrel with' Dinah being exceedingly laughable. The attempts of Lena 
and her merry friends, May and Minnie, to hoodwink the old lady, and their final 
exposure, will keep the audience in a ripple of laughter. No scenery required. 

SOCIAL ASPIRATIONS. 15 cents. A comedy in 1 act and 2 scenes, 
by Helen Sherman Griffith. 5 female characters. Bedroom scene afterwards 
transformed into a parlor. Plays about 45 minutes. A highly entertaining comedy in 
which Mrs. Chick and her two daughters from the United States are in Paris, bent on 
an extended tour, but meet with a Countess, who proposes to introduce them into 
fashionable society. They feel flattered and make a great fuss over the Countess^ 
who turns out to be a lady s maid dressed in her mistress 1 finery, and is betrayed by 
the housemaid of the pension. Disillusionment and exciting climax. 

MY AUNT'S HEIRESS. 15 cents. A comedy in i act. % n female 
characters. Parlor scene. Modern costumes. Time, i hour. Has a "Cinderella" 
sort of plot in which a rich widow adopts a ruse to decide which of her seven nieces 
shall inherit her fortune. It shows that envy and jealousy don't pay, and that striv- 
ing to make others happy is the best way to gain happiness for ourselves. Two of 
the characters can he played by one girl. No scenery required. 




s$$$fcfes&s*$^^ 



MILITARY PLAYS 

25 CENTS EACH 

M. 

BY THE ENEMY'S HAND. 4 Acts; 2 hours 10 

EDWARDS, THE SPY. 5 Acts; 2^ hours 10 

PRISONER OF ANDERSON VILLE. 4 Acts; 2^ hours.. 10 

CAPTAIN DICK. 3 Acts; 1^ hours 9 

ISABEL,, THE PEARL, OF CUBA. 4 Acts; 2 hours 9 

LITTLE SAVAGE. 3 Acts; 2 hours; 1 Stage Setting 4 

BY FORCE OF IMPULSE. (15 cents.) 5 Acts; 2^ hours 9 
BETWEEN TWO FIRES. (15 cents.) 3 Acts; 2 hours 8 



RURAL PLAYS 

25 CENTS EACH 

MAN FROM MAINE. 5 Acts; fyi hours 9 

AMONG THE BERKSHIRES. 3 Acts; 2J4 hours 8 

OAK FARM. 3 Acts; 2^ hours; 1 Stage Setting 7 

GEEAT WINTERSON MINE. 3 Acts; 2 hours.... 6 

SQUIRE THOMPKINS' DAUGHTER. 5 Acts; 2^ hours 5 

WHEN A MAN'S SINGLE. 3 Acts; 2 hours.,. 4 

FROM PUNKIN RIDGE. (15 cents.) 1 Act; lhour... 6 

LETTER FROM HOME. (15 cents.) 1 Act; 25 minutes 1 



ENTERTAINMENTS 

25 CENTS EACH 

AUNT DINAH'S QUILTING PARTY. 1 Scene. ........ & # 1 

BACHELOR MAIDS' REUNION. 1 Scene s .... 4 30 

IN THE FERRY HOUSE. 1 Scene; 1^ hours 19 15 

JAPANESE WEDDING. 1 Scene; 1 hour , 3 10 

MATRIMONIAL EXCHANGE . 2 Acts ; 2 houi s 6 9 

OLD PLANTATION NIGHT. 1 Scene; 1^ hours 4 4 

YE VILLAGE SKEWL OF LONG AGO. 1 Scene. 13 12 

FAMILIAR FACES OF A FUNNY FAMILY 8 11 

JOLLY BACHELORS. Motion Song or Recitation 11 

CHRISTMAS MEDLEY. 30 minutes 15 14 

EASTER TIDINGS. 20 minutes ,.. 8 

BUNCH OF ROSES. (15 cents.) 1 Act; 1^ hours 1 13 

OVER THE GARDEN WALL. (15 cents) 11 8 

DICK & FITZGERALD, Publishers, 18 Ann Street, N. Y 



^$^$S$$$$$$$$$$^$S®$^$$$$^$$$$^i 




LIBRARY OF CONGRFQc 

■■Minii 

016 102 825 3 

COMEDIES AND DRAMAS i 

25 CENTS EACH § 

M. F. 8> 

BREAKING HIS BONDS. 4Acts;2hours 6 3 gS 

BUTTERNUT'S BRIDE. 3 Acts; 2^ hoars 11 6 i 

COLLEGE CHUMS. 3 Acts; 2 hours; 1 Stage Setting 9 3 || 

COUNT OF NO ACCOUNT. 3 Acts; 2^ hours.; 9 4 || 

DEACON. 5 Acts; 2^hours... 8 6 1 

DELEGATES FROM DENVER. 2 Acts; 45 minutes 3 10 ® 

DOCTOR BY COURTESY. 3Acts;2hours 6 5 1 . 

EASTSIDERS, The. 3 Acts; 2 hours; 1 Stage Setting 8 4 1 

ESCAPED FROM THE LAW. 5 Acts; 2 hours 7 4 \ 

GIRL FROM PORTO RICO. 3 Acts; 2J4 hours 5 3 I 

GYPSY QUEEN. 4 Acts; 2^ hours 5 3 § 

IN THE ABSENCE OF SUSAN. 3 Acts; 1^ hours 4 6 1 

JAILBIRD. 5 Acts; 2^ hours 6 3 |> 

JOSIAH'S COURTSHIP. 4 Acts; 2 hours 7 4 $ 

MY LADY DARRELL. 4 Acts; 2^ hours 9 6 j| 

MY UNCLE FROM INDIA. 4 Acts; 2^ hours 13 4 & 

NEXT DOOR. 3 Acts; 2 hours. 5 4 <| 

PHYLLIS'S INHERITANCE. 3 Acts; 2hours 6 9 1 

REGULAR FLIRT. 3Acts;2hours 4 4 >| 

ROGUE'S LUCK. 3 Acts; 2 hours 5 3 A 

SQUIRE'S STRATAGEM. 5 Acts ; 2^ hours... 6 4 & 

STEEL KING. 4 Acts; 2^ hours 5 3 |> 

WHAT'S NEXT? 3 Acts; 2^ hours 7 4 j| 

WHITE LIE. 4Acts; 2^hours 4 3 || 

WESTERN PLAYS I 

25 CENTS EACH \ 

ROCKY FORD. 4 Acts; 2 hours 8 3 j| 

GOLDEN GULCH. 3 Acts; 2J4 hours..... 11 3 P 

RED ROSETTE. 3Acts; 2hours 6 3 !| 

MISS MOSHER OF COLORADO. 4 Acts; 2^ hours .... 5 3 || 

STUBBORN MOTOR CAR. 3 Acts; 2 hours; 1 Stage Setting 7 4 $ 

CRAWFORD'S CLAIM. (15 cents.) 3 Acts; 2}4 hours. 9 3 |? 

DICK & FITZGERALD, Publishers, 18 Ann Street, N. Y. & 



